I don't really like pickleloaf.

I don't really like pickleloaf...I don't really like blogging. But here I am, blurting out whatever is on my mind.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

New mercies


"I remember it all...the feeling of hitting rock bottom.
But there's one thing I remember ,
and remembering, I keep a grip on hope:
God's love couldn't have run out,
His merciful love couldn't have dried up.
They're created new every morning.
How great is your faithfulness!
I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over).
He's all I've got left.
God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits
To the woman who diligently seeks.
Its a good thing to quietly hope
quietly hope for help from God
It's a good thing when you're young
To stick it out through the hard times.
When life is heavy and hard to take
Go off by yourself. Enter the silence
Bow in prayer. Don't ask questions:
Wait for hope to appear.
Don't run from trouble. Take it full face.
The "worst" is never the worst
Why? Because the master won't ever
Walk out and fail to return
If He works severely, he also works tenderly.
His stockpiles of loyal love are immense.
He takes no pleasure in making life hard
In throwing roadblocks in the way..."
-Lamentations, THE MESSAGE

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

...did I mention fragile?

These last three weeks have made me painfully aware of how fragile I am.
I forgot that there are harsh reasons why not many flowers grow out of the rocks.
I've had a pretty smooth blessed life where if there's a set-back, it is usually my own fault and doing. But lately...

The rocks don't seem to stop. I'm a mixture of shock and disbelief and confusion. I've never experienced God like this before. Never without small glimpses. Never with my future hopes being pulled out like a rug from underneath my feet.

When God changes your shape, your body resists and it is painful. When God hides his face and you see clearly how weak you are and how meaningless it all is without him, it hurts! His Bigness is a huge source of sadness for me. I'm not seeing the Goodness in his Bigness.

I don't know what makes a flower grow on a mountain peak. Maybe it got there by a stray seed carried up by the wind. I don't know why or how it started to bud. I don't know what would possess you to blossom up there all alone, totally dependant for everything. Probably one day I'll feel blessed and honoured. Right now I'm grieving having to grow here.