I went against my will and I'm here
Because I forgot my coat.

I wonder
Am I following the true-est thing?

I dance with strangers on the beach while old men watch
I breathe and savour washing my hands with warm water
I try to avoid dark staircases dark hallways darkness
and phone calls

I talk and reveal too much and this makes me uncool.
Clothes and food make me angry

I am sure I'll never be happier than when we laugh together in bed about something
only we would laugh about it is sweet pure sound.

I pray heart attacks (myocardial infarcts)
I pray heart attacks for people I don't like
and then
I take it back
And instead pray for me to see them differently
reluctantly

Too often its a third person view and I
think about thinking that I'm thinking I'm thinking

I am violently and recklessly everywhere in my thoughts
And I don't stop
not for sleep
not for prayer
not for sex

This is what I fall back on
When I breathe I know for certain that
only God could tame me
love me
attract me
distract me
pull me into such devotion and loyalty

That I'd be here
Because of a coat