Yikes.

I have been eager about getting back to intentional discipline and obedience, thanks to some prayer and rereading "A long obedience..." by Eugene Peterson. I have been going on auto-pilot and let me tell you, I've been completely unsuccessful. Yet, I don't find that discipline and obedience are hard, per-say.... Left up to me, they are impossible! Instead, because it is such a daunting task, I want to take a stance of anticipation-participation... Lots of prayer and acknowledgment that when I do see love and joy and peace and compassion in my life it is because of Resurrection Life inside of me, like it says in the message translation, " working out of your true selves, your God-created selves".

Anyways, today I was reading Matthew...Yikes. I have A LONG ways to go!!! It is actually super discouraging, and humbling.

I wrote a little psalm about it:

Jesus Christ-

come with me

hold my shoulders and present me to God.

God- the Holy God- the Beautiful God

God who loves and gives generously

For I am a failure on all accounts.

I am so sorry

For going on auto pilot

For going on the past

When you ask for the present me

to live right now.

It isn't much to work with, God.

But you see me in a better light than I ever can

And you polish my heart

Until I'm glowing.

Get all the dirt spots, God!!

Rub with your word and your direction.

Remind me that you're Great and Good

And won't leave me to discouragement

You are a present God for the present tense

And you'll help me here. And now!

Amen!