Breath-life

" The hand of the Lord was upon me, and he brought me out by the Spirit of the Lord and set me in the middle of a valley; it was full of dry bones. He led me back and forth among them, and I saw a great many bones on the floor of the valley, bones that were very dry. He asked me, "Son of man, can these bones live?"

I said, " O Sovereign Lord, you alone know". Then he said to me, " Prophesy to these bones and say to them,' Dry bones, hear the word of the Lord! This is what the sovereign Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life. I will attach tendons to you and make flesh come upon you and cover you with skin; I will put breath in you,and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the Lord". -Ezekiel 37:1-6

Read through twice slowly.

Does a word or phrase stand out to you? What is the passage inviting you to?

Is there an area of life that you see as lifeless, dry, hopeless, ineffective? Ask Jesus to reveal such a place to you. Ask Jesus what he plans to do with that place.

Is there an area God wants to breathe life into? Ask God to rule sovereign over that place.

Have you been believing a lie about God's powers to create? Have you been trying to bring things to life without God?

Sit with this passage, breathing.

Inhale...God's living breath in you

Exhale...Your fears of the dyings and dust in you

Inhale...God's new life

Exhale...The life that "seems right"

Inhale...God's powerful love for you

Exhale...The compulsion to work for it

Inhale...

Exhale...

" And as I was prophesying, there was a noise, a rattling sound, and the bones came together, bone to bone. I looked, and tendons and flesh appeared on them and skin covered them..."

a general sense

I don't know what it is (perhaps a Good God) but despite a messy apartment with too many crafts and projects left undone, crazy school schedule and a large obsession with winning the lottery, I find myself with a general sense of wellbeing. Yahoo!

I am so grateful for David

I am so grateful for the sun and the reflection off the apartments that gives us light for an extra hour it seems

I am so grateful our apartment didn't burn down last night when we forgot hot oil on the stove and it burst into flames

I am so grateful for people that smile at me while I'm walking, or on the bus

For the lady at Capers with an obnoxiously large crystal necklace

For the truth that simplicity is better

For the amber necklace

For frozen waffles from Capers

I miss old friends and the chance to connect with them. I miss having creative productivity. But life is good. Now I've got to go do the dishes.

I went against my will and I'm here
Because I forgot my coat.

I wonder
Am I following the true-est thing?

I dance with strangers on the beach while old men watch
I breathe and savour washing my hands with warm water
I try to avoid dark staircases dark hallways darkness
and phone calls

I talk and reveal too much and this makes me uncool.
Clothes and food make me angry

I am sure I'll never be happier than when we laugh together in bed about something
only we would laugh about it is sweet pure sound.

I pray heart attacks (myocardial infarcts)
I pray heart attacks for people I don't like
and then
I take it back
And instead pray for me to see them differently
reluctantly

Too often its a third person view and I
think about thinking that I'm thinking I'm thinking

I am violently and recklessly everywhere in my thoughts
And I don't stop
not for sleep
not for prayer
not for sex

This is what I fall back on
When I breathe I know for certain that
only God could tame me
love me
attract me
distract me
pull me into such devotion and loyalty

That I'd be here
Because of a coat

hold and release

" The inward reality of simplicity involves a life of joyful unconcern for ones possessions. Neither the greedy nor the miserly know this liberty. It comes from an inward spirit of trust."

I've been thinking a lot about holding and releasing.

Holding onto what energy I do have, not giving my time away to others or to God, thinking that if I do, I'll be left empty...

...And releasing that lie, spending exhausted hours with children who God speaks through to say that He loves me using our very personal symbols.

Holding onto my money and carefully laying out what I'll buy with what money worrying about money when I'm richer than most people in the world...

...And releasing by realizing that if God takes my wallet out of my purse he does it for a reason, and lo and behold I am still provided for and taken care of.

Holding onto my pride and stubborness selfishness and defensiveness..

...And releasing it with apologies and tears.

Holding onto my striving and self-improvements

...And releasing myself into the spacious and refreshing freedom of God's grace.

I often reason in my head that holding on makes better sense. It seems safer. But there is no abundant life there. There is no real peace or love there. You can't get filled if you've put the cap on.

May God show us what we're holding on to...

And invite us to release ourselves from fear...and into trust.

monday grace and prayer

You say grace before meals.

All right…

But I say grace before the concert and the opera,

and grace before the play and pantomime,

and grace before I open a book,

and grace before sketching, painting, swimming, fencing, boxing, walking, playing, dancing and grace before I dip

the pen in the ink.

- GK Chesterton

Where do you need to say grace in your life?

Where do you need to accept God's grace?

Where in your life do you find it the hardest to believe in grace?

Have you been believing a lie about God and his grace?

Think of a time when you received or gave grace...What did it feel like? What happened?

Most Gracious God-Dad,

We pretend like we can't run to you when we fail- but you're gracious.

We think we have no worth- But you gave it to us.

We act like everything depends on us- But it depends solely on you. And you love us.

Thank you. Help us to receive and even ask for grace this week. Yikes! Help us to be brave.

Amen.

Why trees

I love to talk to people. I love having conversations that build and grow and excite me with new revelations and thoughts. I love sharing where I am in my faith. I do however, embarass myself sometimes with what I say, or the length of time I just continue talking, not fully articulating what it is, too excited to think before I speak, flailing my arms and twisting my face.

A couple of days ago I was talking a lot during a life-group Bible Study. I was talking too much. Part of my compulsion to talk is that I process out loud. Anways, I don't have a lot of grace for myself in this. Later in the night I had a little epiphany about it. I don't have many other friends who want to sit around with me and just talk about God. I could fill my whole day with it. When I do finally get my once a week chance to talk and share, I gorge. This little realization gave me so much peace and forgiveness. It is hard to be tender with oneself when you are a "needs less" rather than "needs more" person. I don't need to share more or risk more or talk more. I have intensity and obnoxiousness and loudness. I need so much less of those things.

Part of why I love trees relates to this in a round about way. They take up space. Sometimes a lot. It is often in an inconvenient area of town that a tree decides to branch out and fill up as much sky room as possible. A tree that is tangled and knotted with branches dissecting into more branches is so beautiful to me. The more they put out there, the more I appreciate them.

I don't have much of a vocabulary. But I do have passion for the things I write and speak about.
To put my little thoughts out into the world is always a risk. May I be reminded by possibly the second greatest creation ever that growing big and branching out isn't neccessarily a bad thing. I may not be able to change it...And maybe God doesn't really want to.

under the sun

"...I wanted to see what was worthwhile for men to do under heaven during the few days of their lives..."

The few days.

Although I can't see ahead of me I imagine it to be a string of memories. Maybe 20 more, to be a bead on my life necklace. When I really think about it, the past 24 years are reduced to a few days I keep with me. They loop around in my head, almost daily: the first memory, of standing in Medicine Hat on the sidewalk, barefoot. Ants making hills in soft brown sand between the cracks of cement. There is the smell and feel of spring in Kimberley, of walking home from school, running on the field grass. There is the memory of deep confusion and loneliness. There is the memory of pure joy, dancing around mirror lake alone at night. They are all just a few days of significance.

Life for me is really just getting into the swing of things. I'm not able to look back on 50 years and finally understand. I do however, when hearing this verse, think about making my days count. Really. Not even just for God (when is a day not for God? If I'm up and smiling its His doing!) but to know I've really lived. I live in a country where I can have anything I want (well, besides clean air silence and sequoia trees) and have health and a pretty good functioning brain (talk to me after school is done). Yet, because everything is at my fingertips, I don't want to sit back and say I'll do it when the sun is out. I don't want to waste.

Then I realized it is good and proper for a man to eat and drink and to find satisfaction in his toilsome labor under the sun during the few days of life God has given him- for this is his lot. More-over, when God gives any man wealth and possessions and enables him to enjoy them, to accept his lot and be happy in his work- this is a gift of God.

I guess for me, the best way not to waste my days is to appreciate them. To say thank you for them. To acknowledge the gifts that have been given to me- the challenges God has presented me with. I pray God continues to fill me with His gladness of heart.