Advent week one: prophecy and hope

(I would have posted earlier but our computer is having troubles and the weekend was full!)

Our Advent log is atrocious. I asked a classmate for some firewood that still had the rounded bark cover to one side. She gave me a wobbley, uneven, cut up ragged piece of wood about 2 inches thick at most. We tried for a couple days to carve out the candle holes with David's leatherman which didn't work, and finally on Sunday night we were able to drill holes with a borrowed electric drill (thanks Aimee!). We got it home and realized the holes were still much too small, and after attempting again to whittle with the leatherman decided just to shave down the bottom of our beeswax candles. David then meticulously melted pieces of the cut off wax to secure the candles in place. The candles stick out of the wood like skinny crooked teeth. When the log shifts onto one side all the candles lean so the wax drips onto the coffee table.

For some reason, I am in love with it. I sit beside it every morning to do my devotions and last night David and I had our official First Week of Advent lighting. Our living room still has sheets and pillows from guests this past weekend strewn about, mugs and books and papers that never find a home in files or the recycle bin. We turned off all the lights and I watched with childish excitement as David met the head of the match with its box and the flame grew. I didn't cheap out on the candles (pure beeswax...mmm) so it lit right away. We sat back and without deciding this between us, went into silence.

And I think this sort of thing needs some silence. This recognition for both of us that we are disheveled and junky and really don't look like much. But then the light is there, and it really does take all the focus. There was a moment looking at it that I didn't want to light the others; I couldn't imagine it looking any better than it did with just that one candle lit. Just one light was enough for me to feel a bit of hope that words spoken may just be true, and that I really can trust that God's promises aren't forgotten.

David and I daily wobble between excitement and joy with this pregnancy, and fear with the knowledge we don't have a clue what we're going to do. I'm going to take a try at believing God's light will guide me on a path of peace. It is so much more alluring and and curiously welcoming than the despairing dark corners I tend to find myself in.

Winter is coming...

The air has a bite to it. The leaves are almost all gone. Winter is coming...And with it my favourite season of the whole year: Advent.

I love Advent so much; I could probably do without Christmas day. I find so much room inside me to wonder and meditate on the truths and mysteries of Emmanuel and all that Advent hints at and points toward. Come, Lord Jesus.

Jesus coming to earth and embodying compassion so that when I experience pain and ridicule and discouragement, He is there to have experienced it all before me. Jesus coming to earth to embody justice so that when I wonder how to love and serve those in my community and world, He is there to demonstrate what love is. Jesus coming to earth and dying and rising so that when everything feels hopeless and beyond repair, He is there to offer forgiveness and new life and trustworthy promises. Really, four weeks is not long enough to meditate on the miracle of Christmas!

I want and plan to do a number of things to celebrate and mark Advent: meditations, candle lighting, some sort of "outreach" each week and hopefully some blog post for each week and its theme. We'll see. Last year I learnt so much about joy and fearlessness. I have some ideas for this year, but I'm sure that God does too for me; some powerful lessons about him his love and his kingdom. I can't wait.

But I'm curious...What are you doing for Advent?

I miss...

being out here. Or generally being out there. In the silence, and the God-made. In the natural greens and blues and browns...Among the smells and air and trees. Among the peace and joy and wonder.
It is going to be a long winter.

these two..

I've got to say: these two (three) feel so incredibly blessed loved supported and provided for. It is overwhelming and totally wonderful and absolutely appreciated. Thank you!!!!!!!!