Zoe rocks. She is so cool. There are definitely days (and nights!) when I don't want to be a mom, but at the same time I've never been happier. David and I look at each other in amazement and say, "can you believe our lives are this awesome?!"Something has been bothering us. When we talk about Zoe, or introduce her to people they often say things like, "She's cute now...Wait until she's old enough to talk back", or " Yeah, this is the easy time, wait until she's older". We don't know what challenges are ahead with being Zoe's parents, but we really don't like the negativity in those statements. I'm totally enjoying where she is right now, and I'm going to enjoy her when she is two and three and thirteen, too. I don't know what to say to them. Maybe all babies magically transform into tyrants once they reach one, and I"m just romanticizing the whole process. I expect Zoe to need discipline. I expect that we will not understand one another all the time. What really bugs me is that raising children is an awesome privilege. I don't hear that in their voices. I don't hear encouragement and support. They probably don't mean it, but the wet blanket approach to having children is gross. I don't like the message it sends to your kids; you were such a little brat when you were young it made life so hard for your parents etc etc as if children have conscious control over this. I certainly do not want guilt to be a feeling Zoe has.
So why do people say things like that? To downplay how incredible it is to have kids? To shift some of the blame of bad parenting on to the kids themselves? I don't know, but I don't like it. I trust that God's expectation of me as his child is simply to be His child. I don't want Zoe to put on good behavior. I want her to be a true representation of who she is. God certainly can see through my "good behavior". He isn't at all surprised by my bad behavior either. And I know that He graciously doesn't dwell on it either, or wait for me to screw up again. Sometimes He says, "I think it is time, Elli, to teach you about this...Or find the right path again by dealing with this..." And if there was a time when the Father Son and Holy Spirit were talking of me, I doubt very much Jesus says, "Yeah just wait until next Tuesday when she really loses her patience" . They are building me up, encouraging me, strengthening me, humbling me, delighting me...
So I want to respond, the next time that happens, with sincerity. I want to say that getting to know Zoe is a joy. That I'm excited for each new discovery and ability. We'll deal with each challenge as it comes. I'm not going to wait in expectation for her to get difficult. I trust that God will give us the strength and wisdom to love her when she's thirteen and maybe or maybe not struggling with her new confusing hormones. Right now we're enjoying our baby girl...Like taking her up to David's work and watching her wide eyed fascination with trees and water and mountains!
