Hope

God brings death and God brings life, brings down to the grave and raises up. God brings poverty and God brings wealth; he lowers, he also lifts up. He puts poor people on their feet again; he rekindles burned-out lives with fresh hope, Restoring dignity and respect to their lives— a place in the sun! For the very structures of earth are God's; he has laid out his operations on a firm foundation. He protectively cares for his faithful friends, step by step, but leaves the wicked to stumble in the dark. No one makes it in this life by sheer muscle! God's enemies will be blasted out of the sky, crashed in a heap and burned. God will set things right all over the earth, he'll give strength to his king, he'll set his anointed on top of the world! 1 Samuel 2:5-7

Advent

Our friends we had wanted to visit were sick and we were anxious, after two months of travel, to finally be on the road to home. The coquihala highway was closed due to weather conditions, which was our usual route, so we decided to blitz it all the way home in one day taking the southern road.

Almost immediately I could see snow capped mountains from my passenger seat window. After two months of coast and sun, these mountains were an exciting and beautiful sight. The further east we went, the more snow filtered down on to the road and the car. I was getting more and more in the Christmas mood, longing more and more for peace and family and warmth and love.

Our whole trip had been adventurous and amazing. I saw and learnt much. A lot about myself too; things that I am not particularly proud of. Selfishness, short tempered, fearful, greedy, ignorant...Things that are next to impossible for me to change in myself, no matter how hard I try to take a breather moment or walk away. I want so much to be a softer, brighter version of myself. Loud in the right moments, and silent in others. Generous and compassionate. Encouraging and joyful.

The snow was laying thick on the roads now, and the forests lining the highway were an awesome white and green. Living in Vancouver for the past two winters had caused me to forget how much I enjoy the snow and the look of winter in the mountains. Snow, hushing all this muck with a soft white. The grace of snow coverings. Snowflakes were hitting our windshield.

We had to reduce our speed or our non-winter tires would have us slip sliding all over the place...Another reminder that we need to slow down. It will take a little bit longer to get home...Almost there, just be patient...

...And I need to be patient for home; for all the things I wish were different: sex slave trafficking, debt, unrest and workaholics, consumerism and the imbalances of wealth and poverty, broken relationships...

I thought that I was totally done with long car drives, but this snowy scene was energizing me. I felt so at peace in the car, going 50 km an hour, getting to enjoy our surroundings. The snowflakes met us one by one, and strangely, we were at peace.

Not quite there, still waiting for a Savior. Waiting for change. Swirled up in the mystery of God's workings and ways. I've got to say I'm really embracing Advent. I still feel like my travels aren't over. I'm still waiting to go home. I'm still waiting for the surprising glory of God in a baby. I am waiting with much anticipation for God's enormous love to snow-ball me over again, and to change me and renew me and refresh me and center me. Come, Lord Jesus.

Your Redeemer God says:

"I left you, but only for a moment.
Now, with enormous compassion, I'm bringing you back.
In an outburst of anger I turned my back on you—
but only for a moment.
It's with lasting love
that I'm tenderly caring for you.

"This exile is just like the days of Noah for me:
I promised then that the waters of Noah
would never again flood the earth.
I'm promising now no more anger,
no more dressing you down.
For even if the mountains walk away
and the hills fall to pieces,
My love won't walk away from you,
my covenant commitment of peace won't fall apart."
The God who has compassion on you says so.

- Isaiah 54:9-11

Zoe: Life lessons 6

We're still travelling (Maui now! What a blessed life) and I'm learning and experiencing so much.

Since Zoe was born, I've been feeling inwardly exhausted. Normal, I'm sure, for a mother. But, something about it feels suffocating. It makes me chaotic. I can't go to my quiet soul place and find rest. I haven't been able to have solitude and silence, which is something I had regularly needed. I've never been away from Zoe for longer than two hours.

But, God has been teaching me, it isn't about getting away from Zoe.

Peace can't be sought out by me, not in the waves of the oregon coast. Not in the quiet moments where Zoe is sleeping. Not in the sun on the beach in Maui.

God seems to be telling me that Peace will be found in Zoe's screaming. Peace will be right in the middle of a grumpy drive, or awkward hurting brothers bickering.

God's peace comes to me. There is nothing I can do to chase it and catch it. Out of the inside of me- Christ dwelling in me- His spirit; unaware of its beginning it will relieve me. It is fruit of the Spirit. The only thing I can do is ask for it, and wait for it to ripen and well up in me.

Like the song says, "I will wait for your peace to come to me..."

And so far I like this so much better than anything I can contrive. God is so gracious in teaching me, and gives plenty of reminders and "hands on experiences." I love getting to know God, and to be friends with Jesus. Who else could make nights with too many screaming wake ups be peaceful? Who else could make tense "we're too broke to afford even this" moments peaceful? Who else could make me, a worrier and despair-er, so peaceful?!