Dry cup

Uh oh.

I recognize this feeling.

I have very little energy for school. Zero motivation and no concern for test marks.

Tragic things happen to class mates and I have no sympathy.

The wise and peaceful path is rejected for the path of least resistance.

Everything starts to be a bigger deal than it is. And if I can actually realize that, that in itself is energy.

I could say I just need sleep, but I'm on a week long streak of nightmares (seriously).

My prayers sound more like pleas, and I don't fall into my usual delight in conversation with God. I'm crouching away, much to my frustration.

My glass it seems, is running dry. I recognize the signs. I know how this is. Although before I've been able to avoid it, the truth is I've done a really miserable job of resting this year. Part my fault, part that circumstances are difficult. How frustrating! My mind sends me in winding cylindrical tornadoes of no good: well life isn't about me there are people out there with much worse situations complaining won't do any good but i can't do anything else i've got no energy i don't want to be miserable but i don't know if i can recognize where to make the choice...

My Mom used to tell me when I was in a bad mood to go and help someone. This usually always does help, but I'm afraid that I don't have any overflow to give. Giving takes so much energy. And I think I know that energy comes from spending time receiving from God, but my actions don't resemble this type of knowledge.

I don't know if this summer has found you busier than you'd like, or more exhausted than you expected. I do have a warning: that this unrest must be met with rest. That tension must be let go to receive comfort, despite how selfish it may look or feel. That my striving must be stripped off and covered with grace. That I must say, "I'M STILL LEARNING ABOUT ALL OF THIS!!" and receive humility and grace. Oh God-Dad. Fill my cup.